its a process

A subject that often comes up at my church is the process it takes for something good to happen; a blessing, a healing, a promotion of any kind. It is often said that the process can be painful and tiring but without it, you can't grow.(No pain,No Gain right?) I am in such a process right now as I am reaching for my goals of independence,love, stardom and success. In my efforts I have found that it is just as the pastor says, a painful process. In the toughest times I find that my faith keeps me calm. I have faith in my abilities, faith in God and I believe that my dreams are a calling given to me by him. What worries me though is the faith of she who supports me, my mother.My mother is no Tina Knowles but she puts food on the table and makes sure i have a warm coat every winter yaknow? even if she knows I'll never where that big puffy thing! Seeing that i am not working and could not afford college this semester- I spend an awful lot of time in the house. My plan is to use this time to further develop my body of work, and create a fan base. With all my free time there are millions of possibilities and progress has been made. However I find myself feeling guilty for not working. My mother is a great provider and has never forced me to work but i was taught that "if a man don't work he don't eat". So you can imagine what a louse I feel when my mother comes home from a 16 hr shift at work-with groceries in hand, takes a nap then gets up and cooks a meal for me! Today i found myself snatching the broom out of her hand-she was making me look bad! Even though I did accomplish my goal for 100 viewers on a youtube video i worked really hard to make and stayed up all night promoting- those viewers didnt pay any bills yaknow? so IDK how to feel right now because anyone who was raised right wants to grow up and provide for their parents! granted im only 18 but idk its not sitting well with me- maybe I'll have to get a job just so i can be able to look at myself in the mirror- not that ive ever had trouble doing that lol